Maybe I Was Getting My Hair Did...

Tomorrow begins a New Year for us, which reminds me…

It reminds me of a script I wrote….

About a young teenage girl who moves to a small northwest town and falls in love with a flesh eating zombie boy-hottie from school. The relationship experiences the usual ups and downs of teen love and is complicated by the fact that he wants to bite her face off whenever they’re together. It doesn’t help that her close friends are shotgun wielding zombie hunters and his friends are brain-dead zombies who want to bite her face off. They both really struggle with allegiances. Can their love overcome their friends? Their town? And his desire to bite her face off?

…. Oddly enough, my script remains unpurchased and unproduced.

So, lesson well learned everyone.

New Years and scripts and zombies and blah…

I’m just talking aren’t I.

Maybe, Just Maybe...

Tell me this isn't funny/freaky...

Adam Lambert....


Richard Grieco... ?


Uncanny, right!

Same person?.........

Just maybe!

Maybe I'm Confused...

KSL ran this story the other day:

Note how Mejia’s artistic hand captures perfectly the sad drooping puppy dog eyes that are so commonplace with pits. It almost reminds me of the time I walked across the street to greet a new neighbor and was just about torn to shreds by his pit. I realize now through Mejia’s painting that I was misinterpreting the snarling and growling as it showed me its sharp teeth.

Mr. Mejia’s next project will be on improving the poor image of Chihuahuas. He hopes to overcome the social stigma that they are tiny, excitable, yappy and annoying. And that their true nature is not represented well by socialites such as Paris Hilton.

Maybe Mega Overload!!!

Whoa!!!

Whoa!!!

Whoahohohohohoooo!!!!

Robin Hood trailer.

New Clash of The Titans trailer.

Iron Man 2 trailer...

Sensory overload!!! Friggin' geektastic morning!

Maybe Food Bank La la la...

So, I'm pretty great.

I volunteered at the Utah Food Bank yesterday.

It was great and all. I mean, I got warm fuzzies and stuff and had an awesome glow of awesomeness around me all day- like a halo affect er something? But can I just say one thing... the Utah Food Bank people need to reassess their personnel a little bit!

They had this guy- his job, best as I could tell, was to tell the groups of volunteer workers what to do. You know, volunteers- like groups from corporations, churches, communities, etc... He's dealing with a lot of different folks and personalities. With that in mind, you would think that they would hire a "people person" for that role. Holy crap!!! This guy was the polar opposite of "people person". He was on the other side of the planet from people person. He was people persons evil surly annoying twin. He was prickly, moody, wouldn't look you in the eye, mumbled directions, totally annoyed when all the volunteer minions were in the path of his fork lift, and became instantly upset when something wasn't done to his mumbled specifications that NO ONE COULD UNDERSTAND!!! I'm just sayin' Food Bank people. Kind of a major oversight there.

He was really conflicting with those warm fuzzies I was trying to give myself for being so great for volunteering.

Gosh I'm great.

Dang! Back off food bank guy!

Maybe Let it Begin, Let it Begin.... LET IT BEGIN!

We put the tree and stuff up.

There I blogged!!! Sheesh.

The pressure has been killing me...

Maybe I Should Think Harder...

Lightning just struck my brain...

I have The Nurse- highly skilled at connecting I.V.'s... and I have never done this...

+ =

uh... duh?

Seems like an incredibly wasted resource.

Maybe People Are So Stupid Sometimes...

Did you guys see this...

"Ice skating bear kills Russian circus hand"

Article states: "It is unclear what caused the bear to attack Potapov, 25, nearly severing one of his legs while dragging him across the ice by his neck"

Unclear? Really??

Umm... Can I take a shot at it Mr CNN Article-Writer-Person? I am going to go out on a limb here and say that the huge predatory creature was sick of these little peons trying to make him skate on ice (a feat hard for humans) and thousands of years of instinctive animal rage kicked in and he did what normal bears do- he used his ridiculous strength and his large sharp teeth and his crazy big razor sharp claws and straight up murdered himself some dinner!

But that's just a guess...

Maybe A New Coat For The Lady...

The Nurse is on a crazy mad hunt for a new coat.

On the prowl.

No- on a MISSION!

The woman suffers from a rare disease called IAECATFT Disorder- "I Am Effing Cold All The Freakin' Time!!!" For sure the doctor who diagnosed that one is a quack! Psssh!

Aesthetics do not matter. Well, not entirely.

She is looking for a portable below 14 degrees mummy sack. She would like to feel like she is under a steaming hot shower, while standing in a 120 degree steam room, with a roaring fire in the corner, forced air heaters on each wall running on high, a heating blanket, a wool sweater, a thermal insulated hoodie, a super thick coat, topped off with five thick blankets hot and fresh out of the dryer- all while standing in the endless burning flames of hell.

Anyone aware of a coat that can simulate that kind of 'warm' environment?

Here is a picture of The Nurse hiking in Moab last July. I think it was like 104 degrees that day...

Maybe It's A Huge Food Industry Conspiracy...

I realized today- quite suddenly actually, that I have been taking Top Ramen's word for it all these years. I mean, I really don't even know what it takes to qualify oneself as the 'Top' of the ramen noodle industry. Do you?

I'm not saying I'm interested in finding me some Bottom Ramen. But if there's a more economic Mid-Tier Ramen, I might be interested in exploring that. Has anyone really looked into this?

But prolly I'll stick with Top Ramen cause I deserve the best.

Maybe I Should Run for Public Office and Drive Real Change...

Why does the future ALWAYS have to look so nerdy?

She looks like she should be wearing one of those goofy skin tight Star Trek jumper suits.

Article says: "BMW released images of the C1-E, described as what a "environment-friendly and highly practical single track vehicle for city traffic could look like in the future."

Blah, blah, blah.... boring.



Can't we all ride one of these in the future...

And we could all look like this...

Renegade!!! Hells yeah! Look how freakin' awesome the future looks now stooges! A future full of Lorenzo Lamas'!

Freakin' fabulous.

(And kind of homo-erotic, but whatevs...)

Maybe There is A Huge Freakin' Void...

Sigh.

Heavier sigh.

This is hard. Really Hard. I am honestly depressed enough that I feel like I should leave work.

Why?

Norm Abram retired The New Yankee Workshop from television today- THAT"S WHY!!!! DANG!!!



Okay, before you start laughing you heartless funky monkeys, consider this- the show has been running for 21 years! Think about that. That means that Norm and I have been together longer than my wife and I (15 years), longer than my kids (7 years for the oldest), longer than I have had my current job (5 years). After 21 years, you really just become accustomed to having that thing as part of your life...



I am not really sure how to proceed from here.

What I do know is that PBS should NOT replace the show, they should just play bagpipe music during that time block. Anything else just seems silly.


I knew there was something wrong last night as I was building my new router table top. There was an obvious disturbance in the force.

Woodworkers- we are on our own now.

(Not to mention, flannel shirts are going to see a huge drop in sales. Just another hit to the already frail economy).


A hug. That's what I need.

A big Norm Abrams bear hug.

All covered in saw dust.

Yeah.

Maybe Change Is A Bad Idea...

I am bringing back the high-five.

Shut your face! This IS a good idea.

I have missed it. What, you haven't?

No more 'bumping fists' or 'bones' or whatever you call it. Not from me! Disease control and swine flu be damned!

I gave my boss a high-five the other day. He seemed to reluctantly reciprocate the dated practice of celebration- but he did it. And I have a strong inclination that deep down, something inside him stirred. Something instinctive. Something primordial. He probably told himself, "Wow! That felt really good!" He'll probably start doing it more often now.

So, I decided to try it again today with a coworker and offered the proverbial olden practice of extending my arm, fingers together, hand flat... and he just looked at me with puzzlement. Yark! I was left hanging. No high-five to be had.

Not one to take defeat easily, I continue the practice boldly at home. The Nurse, as she so often does, provides me with solace. As she, albeit reluctantly, lets me give her a high-five day in and day out. (Sometimes it stings her hand).

Live on dream. Live on...

Maybe It's A Friggin' Milagro

Call me crazy. Yep- go ahead.

See, I sought medical advice from Squishy Pants ryan today while we were instant messaging. No... keep laughing. I get it. I would never do it again. I probably never will. (I don't even know what field of medicine he specializes in! I mean...) So, I was telling him about my shoulder. It's been hurting for almost a year. So Dr. Little-Brother-Drives-Me-Effing-Crazy is all like, "Can you chicken-wing it above your head..." blah blah blah. So, I try and chicken-wing my arm above my head... Pop!

Freakin' sweet!

Healed? No.

Pain much relieved? Yippers.

He probably read this book...

Maybe Creepy Feelings

You know when you get that creepy feeling that someone is watching you...? I have nothing to blog about that feeling.

Maybe This Is A Belated Celebration, But...

Ba da da dah da!!! Dum dee dum da! Ba da da da da duh da duh!!!

Pete and family have arrived to Utah! Hip hip hooray! Three cheers! And all of that shiz!


And a creepy party clown to finish it off...

Bienvenido amigos!!!

Maybe It Hurts

To quote the great Inspector: "Wowzers!" My last post was July 10th. That's over a month without posting. Huh....

So, I have not conducted any research on the matter, but to anyone's knowledge has there ever been a case of a person's head exploding from sinus pressure? If not, I am at serious risk of becoming the very first. Seriously.

Eff.

Kablooey!!!

Maybe We All Need to Communicate Better

I am guessing that most of you are wondering what a day-in-the-life of Instant Messaging between Ryan and I is like...? Well it's your lucky freakin' day! Here is a sampling of our awesomeness from this morning:


me: eh
me: blah
him: what?
me: sigh
me: eh
him: let me guess, you're bored?
me: you know me so well.... you just get me
me: like soul mates
me: but better
him: yeah yeah, enough


---------------------------------------------


me: i love hulu.com
lots
him: thats what I'm doing, but it looks like they may have screwed up the veritechs
him: yeah hulu pretty much rocks
me: the veri...
wha...
so
did
him: veritechs
me: techs
him: you don't know what a veritech is?
me: I do
me: it stands for very technical (veritech)
him: you disgust me
me: because I don't know what versatecs are?
him: thats correct, among other things
me: take your varytacks and shove it then, I know a lot of things


----------------------------------------------------------------


him: have you ever taken lessons from the :"Look Around You" series?
me: All of them... I am a master in control of my envriomeat... menviromental.... in viral met
him: you don't sound like you've taken lessons
me: enverment
inter viol ment
internet... whatev
my space


---------------------------------------------------------------------


him: I was watching Rocky yesterday (amy had never seen it) she sits down listens for 30 seconds and asks me if he's retarded?
me: LOL!!!!
him: yeah I thought it was classic
she figured that was why it was such a heroic story


-----------------------------------------------------------------


him: why do aliens always want earth?
him: is our planet just awesome?
me: our planet is the shizzle
no wonder aliens are always up in our grill
him: serious
me: our planet just rocks
it makes all da aliens talks
him: we're like nuh uh our planet is sweet so step off
him: stop rapping
me: we chill real mellow
and tell the aliens hello
me: then they get real mad
and try to eat my dad
me: they fire up the laser beam
and we assemble the anti-alien team
him: oh can I be on the team
come on!
me: it's not a real team
it's just a rap I made up
him: what?
suck


----------------------------------------------------------------------


him: Did Alanis actually hand Avril a torch when she took over?
me: I don't believe there was a formal "torch" ceremony
him: did Kelly take over for Avril or is she not quite angry enough
me: Kelly is too "girl next store... nexedstore... necks door" whatevea
him: "Shut your mouth I just can
t take it
again
and again
and agaaaaaaaaain!"
him: thats not angry chick?
me: no
its girly nicks tore
him: but
I couldve swore


-------------------------------------------------------------------


him: looks fun
little bit of a new angle on the classic
me: yis it duz
(to be read in high pitched voice)
me: speaking of new angles
classics
me: and aliens
how did your recording go?
in da studio!
him: it was fun, I'm not super pleased with my performance but amy seems to love it,
biased wife and all that
really it was all for her anyways
me: I am not happy with your perform either
ever
but thats good
me: but that's how all that corporate halabalu goes!
ya know!
me: bull... its all bull
him: but I'm not labeled
just me sucka
me: you signed dint you?
him: aint hardly
me: you got a big recordinglier dealio?
him: wouldn't ever


---------------------------------------------------------------------


me: if you were eating spaghetti-O's I would push your face in them and then hold the camera up to your messy face and say, "Ryan! You just got Spaghetti-O's-ed!!!"
him: but I'm eating goldfish
me: and then when you were eating a salad the next day I would do the same thing and say, "Ryan! You just got saladeded!!!!"
him: the snack that smiles back
me: and then the next day when you were eating Spam, I would say, "Ryan! You just got Spammed!"
ha ha
Spammed
cause like emails and shiz get spammed
me: so- double meaning
him: THe fold sphere is losing integrity?!
him: It's collapsed
me: shit


--------------------------------------------------------------



me: I know a lot of things
him: about wood
me: yes- wood is good
him: do you know anything else?
me: let me rap for you:
me: wood is good
me: when you're hangin in the hood
me: cause we know it's right
and makes paper so tight
him: you suck at rapping
me: I'm surprisingly good at wrapping!
him: thats not the same thing
me: whateva
him: close though

Maybe I Thought the Vangies Had This Market Cornered?!

What. The. Hell...?




Seriously though, goofy? Er....

Maybe I Need to Get Out More

Sometimes I like to pretend that my 3 year-old son is really my age and he's just really really short and doesn't talk good. And we are buddies hangin' out. So we click on the tube and watch some UFC and I laugh and tell him that I could totally kick his butt.

And he's like, "we're not even in the same weight class. So... whatev."

And I'm like, "Yeah, too bad for you they don't have a Panty Weight in the UFC!!!"

And he's all, "Oh no you di-unt!"

And we laugh like broskies at our witty banter. At some point he usually ruins it by doing something really childish- reminding me that he is my son and not a really short poorly educated 31 year -old male with a small vocabulary. No, he's a thirty pound 3 year-old who punched me in my tenders and dropped me like a sack-o-tatoes on the kitchen floor last week. I cried real tears.

You win round one pal.

What..? Did you say something? I thought you said something.

Maybe Belated R.I.P.

CNN, MSNBC, FOXNews and .TMZ (all trusted news sources) are hilariously trying to convince we the people that Michael "The Entertainer" Jackson has died. Hardy ha!

Do I really have 'Douchebag' written on my forehead? Do I really look like that much of a sponge? Come on!

What just gets me is that they (the media) act like we are all not aware that Michael Jackson died like ten years ago and we have all been collectively watching his corpse very very slowly decompose over time. I mean... they really beleive that they can get me to think that the lifeless body I have been watching in courts trials and bizarre news stories is the REAL live Michael. LOL!!! LOLing a lot!

Silly media people- go dig up a real story.

Maybe I Won't Be Late for This Date After All!

I hated hated hated! Alice in Wonderland. Yeah... count em- that's three hates. Pretty much always have. Always thought it was stupid and confusing and nauseating and mind numbing. I remember getting headaches when I tried to watch it. Bleeaahhhhh... ugh. Bleeecckkkk. Yuck. Don-a-like.

And yet- a twinge, a tingle, an itch of interest did strike me when I saw that Mr. Tim Burton was going to do a live action Alice. Hmmmmm.... I said to myself... Hemmmmmm. I do like Burton films. So.... hmmm hmmmmm. Two times.

And then today, I saw what I am guessing are some of the first images released from the project. And- hey! Yep, I'm def muy interested in this film now! So, more than anything, this blog is a personal message to Mr. Burton that I am on-board with the project. The rest of you- STOP READING MY MAIL!!!

I believe I will see this one through to completion.

These are great:




Disney has a site for the flick up and running here.

Maybe I Was the Ugly Child...?

Time.com ran this article today- Is An Ugly Baby Harder to Love? We now turn to Ryan's mom for some real insight...

Seriously though- so in love with the pic the editor landed on for the article:


I mean... ironic, right? Cause, I think the question on everyone's mind is whether or not it is Harder to Be Cher's Offspring?

I just want to go on the record that I love all my babies... I love them in order of their attractiveness.

Maybe It's Da New Style!

Yeah, it's probably time to cut him loose... send him off into the world. Let him spread his wings. All that shiz.

Maybe I Dream Big

It's a bucket list- apparently there was a movie about it, but I never saw it:

5. Skydive

4. Learn to gargle good.

3. Tell everyone that I want to run a marathon before I die... but, obviously never do it. (26 miles... take a cab! I'm just sayin'...)

2. Start a high school band, rock out like we have nothing to lose, almost get signed and then break-up due to "artistic differences" (but mostly cause the drummer gets all the girls and it TOTALLY pisses me off cause, I mean, he's the drummer man!)

1. Learn to walk in high heals.

By-the-way, this post was totally made from scratch. And things from scratch tend to be pretty darn impressive.

(And I did not write number one! Son of a... who's been touching my computer?!!! Ryan?)

Maybe You Need This

Just when I thought there was nothing out there to accessorize my Snuggie.... I found this!

Maybe Jillian Deserves Better Gang

What the H guys! Jillian is there to find the man of her dreams! And these heartless chunks of meat are just playing her! One of them has a girlfriend! Completely unacceptable!!!! It is messing up the love process that The Bachelor/Bachelorette has worked so hard to establish. I am just sick about this. Just sick. I'm so angry I could punch a cow in his stupid cow ear.

(Good-bye Juan 35-year-old General Contractor from Santa Monica, you deserve the love you are looking for. I totally know you don't have a girlfriend. It wasn't you!).


What the eff guys...

"Coming up..."

Maybe Cowboys DO Cry?!

Does anyone else have this problem? Lately, I seem to get psychotically emotional when I hear pretty much any country song about a dad and his daughter/family. Anyone? Any males between the ages of 28 and 35 with children have this problem? You may qualify to participate in a free clinical study. Participants may be compensated for participation.


Seriously though. I am sick of it! This is not normal. Fits of crying and hysterics. I don't do that! I never have. I am not okay with this. Curse these country singers and their emotionally charged lyrics!


Some of the culprits:

Trace Adkins - "You're Gonna Miss This"

Kenny Chesney - "The Good Stuff"

Darius Rucker - "It Won't Be Like This For Long"

Kenny Chesney - "There Goes My Life" (every freakin' time I hear it!)

Maybe Bloggercise!

Ewwww. My blog is getting a little flabby. I haven't bloggerscised in a while! There is an inherent question there as to whether I have not been proactive or that I have had nothing worth saying.

Hmmmm.... it could be neither, either or both at once.

Nevertheless, excuses be damned, I will blog!

Maybe I Am Sick and Tired of Being Right

Just read this.

I believe my exact words were, "It's only a matter of time."

Hollywood- You... you fiend!!!

Maybe Abrams Has Done it Again

Okay, I am in no way shape or form a Star Trek fan. Really. I am of the persuasion that a person can either be a Star Wars fan or a Star Trek fan- but not both. To me it's like trying to be an Atheist and a Christian at the same time. Doesn't work. I am Star Wars all the way.

That said, this movie rocks! It was so entertaining. I am not going to give a full review here, I am just going to say it's worth the money. Truly.

But I'm still a Star Wars fan. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!

Maybe The Best Rules Ever

I wish you could all know my seven year-old daughter. Really know her like I get to. She is so funny and sweet and smart and amazing. She is so precocious. Everyday she helps me to see the world a little bit differently through her little eyes. Recently, she decided to jot down some house rules and corresponding punishments that she felt were appropriate. She presented it to me. It is one of my most favorite documents in the whole world.

Here it is, in her own phonetic spelling:

Ruls of bad:

responsable for mess - own $10.00 (meaning responsible for their own messes- not cleaned up, owe $10.00... they don't have $10.00!! ever!)
hit them - own buble gum (owe bubble gun, which is a HOT commodity amongst our children. Bubble gum... so hot right now!)
break something specil on purpis - time out
yell at somewone - own them toy
do something rood on purpis - lis and megan (meaning, they can't play with their best friends Liz and Megan)
poke someone in the eye ball on purpis - timeout
get into treats - sit on bed
stele something relly specil - sit on bed 1 hour 25 seconds
talk back to mom dad - not play with each other one day
roll eyeballs - loos mario cart
slam the dorr at someone - pinch us (for the record, we have never pinched our kids as punishment!)
pinch someone - sit on our beds and look at the wall for one day (little excessive there isn't it kiddo...?)

and, last but not least, and by far my favorite one:

Drop a heavy rock on someones head or foot - sit on couch for two hours (I was not aware that this was so recurring in our family that it necessitated a rule...!? I am not a very vigilant father!)

Maybe My Latest Project

This is the latest. It is a "primitive shelf" for the Nurse. Built from poplar stock from a big box store. Finish is a matte black paint, sanded and then stained with a walnut stain. I am going to finish it off with some poly. It is awesome and any negative comments will be automatically interpreted as jealous sarcasm that you do not have one. Sucka.

(Please forgive the poor photos taken with my phone. Really need to get a descent camera).

Maybe I'm Busy!!!

You might have noticed I haven't posted in a while. As you can clearly see from the photo, I've been busy...


Work has had me doing all sorts of crazy jobs! More posts to come after I get through quarter end!!!