Maybe Next Time I See Hollywood I'm Going to Punch Them in The Weener...

I don't know if making all of my sacrosanct childhood television shows into live action movies is the best idea. I mean, if I'm honest, I screamed like a litle girl and peed my pants the first time I saw Optimus- big, bad and live on the silver screen. (And go somewhere else if you want to discuss the ethics of peeing your pants in a theatre- this is NOT that place!) Well, not live per se... but, CGI is so hot right now! Question is, did Mr. Michael Bay besmirch what was once so sacred to me?

I was actually quite forgiving of Bay's Transformers. I know there are a lot of haters. I was entertained. Still, with GI Joe on the cusp and whisperings of the likes of Voltron, Smurfs, Thundercats and another He-Man being in the works- I am a torn man. I'm just sayin'...

Part of me wants these beautiful precious treasures from the 0-so-special-80's enshrined, not exploited. The other me wants to see a live action Lion-O do some serious shredding with that so sweet Sword of Omens!!! I love Thundarians. So much. (Thundercats are Thundarians from the planet Thundar. Surprised you didn't know that).



Let us look closer together. Hold my hand:

Ruined:

• Dukes of Hazzard (this... this was such a pearl not to be trifled with... those... those bastards... sigh)
• Alvin and The Chipmunks (eh)
• Scooby-doo (eh)
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (eh)
• Inspector Gadget
• The Flintstones (eh)
• He-Man (Twice! Two times ruined!)

Not ruined:

• Battlestar Gallactica (I know... it's TV)
• Transformers
• X-Men (I personally enjoyed all three)
• Spiderman (I like them for the most part)
• The Incredible Hulk (Yes, both of them... don't judge me!!!)
• Miam Vice (Michael Mann at the helm... nice.)

Worst case scenario:

• Alf
• Jem and The Holograms
• Small Wonder (well... maybe as a horror film... yeah, let thet sink in for a minute)
• Bravestarr
• Who's the Boss (With the original cast... yeah, I just threw-up in my mouth)

Keep your dirty mitts off:

• The A-Team (It's just a matter of time...)
  
• The Fall Guy
• Thundarr the Barbarian (Princess Ariel LONG before that stupid mermaid, and Ookla the Mok, need I say more? Love this show so so much).

• Blackstar (Star sword + Power sword = The Powerstar, and then? You get your butt kicked, that's what)

• Galtar and The Goldern Lance (It would appear that I had a thing for barbarian themed heroes... hmmm... I'll have to have analize that).

Jury still out:

• Land of the Lost (Will Farrel? Could be good)
  
• Transformers 2
• GI Joe (even with the teaser out... I still don't know what to think. Though, the thought of Snake Eyes and Stormshadow going at it... well, we could have a real problem with how much I might geek out over that).
  

Go ahead, make my day:

• Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos (Kimo? Tabe? Too Much? And those were just the good guys! How about a bad guy named... wait for it... The Super Ninja! Ohhhhh!!!!)

• Hulk Hogan's Rockin' Wrestling

• Adventures of The Galaxy Rangers (eh... why not?)
• Jonny Quest (could actually be a good movie...)

• Buck Rogers (The original was fun... but wasn't great. A reboot could be delicious).

Oh my!...

And we still haven't even addressed the 80's movie remakes!!! There are whisperings of remaking The Last Starfighter, Weird Science, Footloose and Adventures in Babysitting (kind of drudging the barrel on that last one?) Dimension bought the rights to Short Circuit last year! As I understand it, Red Dawn and RoboCop are already in the works.

I don't know... I feel a sort of naked on the playground about all of this. I am uncomfortable. Like maybe this is something so much bigger than me. I don't think the producers even consider for a second the high potential of heavy emotional scarring these things could leave. My armpits are sweaty, my palms are clammy and my throat is dry. Critically frazzled here.

Hollywood doesn't deserve me...