Ten things about our latest trip to Disneyland:
1. It is no big secret that Disneyland is the better of the two parks (the other being California Adventure); better, at least, for the kids. Therefore, I offer this tidbit of wisdom: when presented with a “which shall we do first” scenario, always go with Disneyland. Why? Because, by day two your feet are sore, you’re a little sleep deprived, their little legs are tired, etc… It’s just best to use that good first-day energy up at the best places—on the best rides. We made the bizarre mistake of swapping the order this year. Not our best choice.
2. So, you should know that you should NOT plan on “running into” characters like you did in the good ol days. Despite the damage control Disney attempted concerning their Photopass fiasco (see
here) there are literally NO characters roaming the park. Freakin’ liars! You will not run into them. There will be no candid moments of your kids spotting Mickey or a Disney Princess across the way and running gleefully into their arms. Simply won’t happen. I do not want to hear you crying about it, cause I frickin’ warned you.
3. If you are heading “that-a-way” this year there are some things you should know: Star Tours is closed for a big “update”. Luckily I knew that before we got to the park. That could have been tragic. An update to what is already a great ride sounds like good times to me. So, hopefully I’ll make it back someday for the updated ride. Also, Splash Mountain is closed for maintenance… til’ like May! What the crap!? This was news to us at the gate, the day we arrived at the park. Splash Mountain is pretty much a family fave for us, so it was quite a blow to start the day that way. $%@#$@#$& Disney!!!
4. Let’s carry the Splash Mountain discussion over into number four. “Closed for maintenance”. You want my honest opinion? I kind of felt like, for the first year ever, that the parks were looking a little… worse for ware? I think Disney needs to close the doors entirely for a bit and spruce everything up. Pressure wash the whole damn park. Throw on a fresh coat of paint. Fluff the fur on some of the characters. Do some heavy maintenance on the rides that really need it—you know, cause they’re ALWAYS broken (i.e.- Space Mountain, The Matterhorn, etc…). Seriously, close the doors for like three months Oct, Nov, Dec (or more) and revitalize the park and then have a huge Grand Opening. People will go nuts to be at the Grand Re-Opening of the newly polished Disney. You could make it quite the affair. I will not charge you any money for this awesome idea.
5. Have you ever seen the movie Cars? I have. More times than I can count with both hands and feet. It’s Bubba’s favorite movie. It has grown on me tremendously. And I would like to inform the director John Lasseter, via this HUGE blog, that apparently his film’s message was not lost on me. Driving to California always used to seem so awful. I dreaded it! But this last time, I seemed to actually enjoy the trip. I was looking at all the different landscapes. Appreciating little old Motels on the side of the highway, in tiny little towns. Lamenting the old abandoned buildings of those same towns and wondering what they looked like when the highway was a two lane road. Somehow the drive to California from Utah seemed totally bearable. How about that!?
6. I had assumed that by building a Disneyworld resort in Hong Kong, that the Asian tourist population at the California parks would dip substantially. I mean, it’s right there in there back yard. I was 100% wrong. They are still there in full force. Impressively.
7. Disney has somehow (maybe this is part of the “magic” they are always talking about), but somehow, they have conditioned me/tricked me into feeling okay about paying $3.00 for a 20 oz bottle of coke. I feel very exposed sharing that with all of you.
8. I don’t mind lines. They are part of the amusement park experience. Anyone who goes into Disney with the expectation that they are going to have very little waiting time for rides is just really setting themselves up for a miserable day of disappointment and frustration. What I do mind? Pushy people in lines. Case in point: I was standing in line with my pretty wife, my three bubbly children and my very patient mother-in-law at the ever popular Finding Nemo submarine ride. We were at the very tail end of a long line and there was about a four to five foot gap between ourselves and the group in front of us. Not much space at all really. We were chatting and waiting patiently when the matron of another family came flying down the chains with here little family in tow. She approached us, saw the VERY SMALL gap between us and the group in front of us and went to step between my wife and myself to move into that space! She stopped short and looked up at me, and said very nastily and very annoyed, “Oh! Are you in line?” What!? Are you serious lady? Am I in line? No, I stand here everyday with my wife and kids and just watch people pass through these cattle guards. We were well within the ropes… not like we were standing out in open, undefined space. I was taken back enough that I was literally speechless at her audacity. Though I did not respond audibly, Mrs. Pushy Pants must have discerned my annoyance. She stepped back and gruffly said, “Sorry.” What in the hell did she want me to do? Butt hump the people in front of me to ensure there was no space? Who are these people!?
9. I am pretty sure Mickey has had some “work” done. The guy does not look a day older than when I saw him as a kid. So much so that he is sporting a “Kidman” forehead. You know, the kind that doesn’t move—has no expression? Kind of a little on the freaky side? And I’m not one to point fingers. I understand it is fairly normal practice in “the business” of Hollywood. I guess I’m just making an observation. Just call me Isaac Freakin’ Newton.
10. You always see someone you know at Disney. Always. But, if I may brag a little, I laid out an awesome line when I had my “run in to someone you know” moment at Disney this last time. I was standing in the bathroom in Toon Town, waiting for Bubba to finish washing his hands. As we turned to walk out, in walks Matt Hyer. A kid I grew up with from my lifelong home ward in Sandy. I stopped short. I didn’t smile or anything, I looked him up and down and said, “Matt Hyer… of all the bathrooms in all the world.” He looked terrified! He quickly searched his shirt for a name tag or something and then stuttered, “You… you know who I am?” In his defense, we had not seen each other for years and I did have on some aviators. He studied me for a second and finally recognized me. It was pretty funny. Fun to see Matt, his wife and kids and his mom and sis.
Seriously. Of all the bathrooms….
