Maybe Cats Can Suck It...

Okay. Seriously, I am done with cats. I did not sleep a WINK last night because pretty much the last thing I saw was this…

What the… what was that? Are you cat people seriously that friggin’ weird? And if you’re not, you should be offended that cat marketers think they are targeting you with THAT!

I wish house cats were on the endangered species list. Then, the only time you would see them would be at the zoo. That would be awesome. They would display the house cat in it’s “natural environment” and the zoo would have like this dilapidated looking house with an old lady rocking in the family room and she would be surrounded by disgusting newspaper that’s ‘catching’ the kitty poop and she would be surrounded by like 20 endangered cats.

Have you ever watched the orcas play with little seals? They slap them with their big orca tail and the seals go flying like fifty feet in the air. If I had a big ol orca tail I would probably slap cats around. I would probably lose my job and stuff. Cause I would be so enthralled in slapping cats with my orca tail and watching them fly through the air that I would just continually forget to go to work. And my wife would be like, “We need to get that orca tail removed! All you do is slap cats into the air ALL DAY LONG!” Plus she would hate having to alter all of my shorts and pants to accommodate my orca tail. Plus if I was out of the water too long my tail would probably start to stink and it would dry out and chafe. Good heck, can you imagine trying to apply lotion to that huge tail!? But in a lot of ways it seems like it would be worth it to watch those damn cats go flying fifty feet in the air.