Maybe You Deserve the Best...

This IS my new favorite artist. He's all over my iPod. I'm just eating it up...

Here's a free sample--just like at the grocery store:

Maybe Karma Really Is A Harsh Mistress...

You know what really ticks me off? Yes, universal healthcare and the Obamanation of morons that structured it. And yes, Ryan. And yes, the fact that hot dogs are sold in ten packs and buns are sold in eight packs.

But more than that, you know that part on Karate Kid when Danielson steps into Miyagi’s house and sees him trying to catch flies with chopsticks? So he sits down and starts trying too. Low and behold this spastic little punk kid from Reseda snags one!!! I mean, that’s bull$#@% right!? Miyagi is all Zen-like awesome and old and this little punk shows up and- Bam!- first try? What is that? Where is the justice!? Makes me so frickin’ mad!!!



FFFFRRRRREEEEEEAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Author jumps up, kicks table, knocks over computer monitor and tosses key board, breaking the 5, T and H keys…)

Seriously. He did.

Karma is harsh and one day Ralph Macchio will get his.

Maybe Cold War 2.0...

In my last blog I mentioned the Atari 2600. An instrument that would shape and change the lives of a new generation. Growing up in the 80’s was like a bad acid trip. Things are kind of hazy and confusing. Between Town & Country surf wear, spiked bangs, florescent pink on men, Boy George and mullets… I’m not sure how any of us really came out of it.

The one thing that was not confusing in the 80’s? Communism sucked! LOL!!! Man that was some good political rhetoric! Do you remember? Do you remember how bad you hated Russia? Oh my gosh those guys were so evil and lame! We heard it form our President. We heard it in school. We heard it in movies (think Rambo’s 2 and 3, Rocky IV, Red Dawn, etc—trust me, it’s a long list).

The only communists that Americans tolerated in the 80’s were the Smurfs, and I’m pretty sure that’s only because we new that we could take the little blue bastards if they ever tried anything. And, the fact that most of us had a crush on Smurfette (which totally messed with our psyches for sure…I mean she was like four inches tall and blue!?)

But the greatest anti-communism propaganda to emerge from the many medias brings us right back to the Atari 2600- and this game:

Communist Mutants from Space (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communist_Mutants_from_Space )

Whoa!!!

Changed everything!!!

Mutants from space would have been bad enough… but the effers had to be Communists!!! Scum of the solar system!!! Taste my laser Commies!

After thought:

Funny thing is, I never saw a movie or video game that warned America that they would dumb down enough to elect (let’s call a spade a spade) a communist president and senate who would slowly implement and infuse communism from within. Could’ve used an Atari game to prep us for that one fellas!!! Sheesh.

Maybe Time Travel Would Not Be Cool...

Title from ksl.com article on Monday:

“3D is coming to everyday life—without special glasses”

Ummmmm… scratching my head?????

I just felt bad for the author Mary Richards. 2 dimensional people are depressing. I really don’t like to be around them. How has she not realized yet that most people (most of the cool people) see 3d all day long—without special glasses?

I just want to do that thing that Biff used to do to George McFly-- put her in a headlock and knock on Mary’s skull and say, “Hello! Hello! Is anybody home Richards!?” But I won’t. Mostly because I don’t want her to travel back in time and change my future so that my present sucks. That would totally blow. It’s weird to think that as Mary looks around her office all her co-workers are flat against a flat background. It’s like she’s living life in an Atari 2600.

Which isn’t so bad I guess—‘cause retro is like totally vogue. Plus there is Pac-man, Asteroids, Defender and Space Invaders. That’s cool.

Maybe You Don't Know...

Sorry I have been so friggin’ lame about blogging. I’ve been crazy busy planning a Dutch colonial Harry Potter vs Twilight themed party with Victorian influenced catering. It’s for cats with their owners invited as side characters. I’m still stuck on the lighting. You would not believe how hard it is to get your family room to have the perfect Harry Potter lighting and vibe when it’s adjoined to the kitchen where you are also trying to get the perfect Twilight-like vibe. And don’t even get me started on the four hour play list I am trying to get together!! I seem to keep drifting back and forth between serious 80’s mod and hardcore 90’s thug rap like 2 Live Crew. I know, I know… crazy! Sometimes I wonder why I work so hard at putting together these awesomely insane parties!!!

Damn straight cats can party. Don’t be naïve!

Maybe Mo Money...

As many of you know, I am ever scheming, thinking, pondering and planning on how to make myself buckets and buckets of money. It’s so important to me. It’s pretty much all I can think about, talk about, eat about, sleep about and … frickin’ money. I'm all Tom Cruisin' like "Show me the money!!!" in Cuba Gooding Jr's face.

Fetchin’ benjamines.

Mulah!

So I have a business proposal for all you readers with some loose change. Listen up.

A couple of days ago I came across a life changing event. I wasn’t looking for it. Ha… isn’t that how all millionaires stumble upon their first million? Too true. Too true indeed.

While perusing an awesome bbq website I stumbled upon the first bacon weave I have ever laid eyes upon

Isn't it beautiful. If any of you knew about a bacon weave before this, all I have to say is you are ridiculous for keeping that to yourself. And you really really should have mentioned it to me.

Anyway, as I was looking at all the beautiful pictures and applications of the bacon weave, I couldn’t help think that the bacon weave was not being used to its full potential. Don’t get me wrong, wrapping a bacon weave around a pork loin that’s been wrapped around some Jimmy Dean sausage stuffed with jalapeños and cheese is absolutely brilliant. It’s almost hard to wrap my head around that…

But you are all chomping at the proverbial bit to hear my great idea.

Bacon weavers need to think bigger. Do me a favor, imagine yourself curled up on your couch, watching your favorite TV show (like Judge Wapner or something) and you feel a bit of a chill. Normally, normal people at this juncture reach for their trustee Snuggie. Of course. And in short order you’ve got a handle on that chill. But it won’t take too long, warm under your Snuggie, before you realize, “Dang it! I don’t have a snack! I need to snack while I watch Wapner dish out his supreme justice in round pear shaped tones.” You can’t leave the warm confines of your Snuggie. What’s one to do?

Enter the Bacon Weave Snuggie. Think of it—you get to wrap yourself in the goodness of a warm Snuggie, tightly weaved out of juicy pieces of delicious bacon. You’re cozy. What about that snack? Oh look! There’s a tasty looking corner on your Bacon Weave Snuggie. Mmmmmmmmm!!! With the Bacon Weave Snuggie you really do get to have your cake and eat it too!

I am accepting cash, checks, money orders and bacon donations to get this idea some traction. I will also set up a PayPal account wherein you can send me money—as much money as you can. You do not want to miss out on this. As mostly my friends and family read this blog I am giving you guys the first opportunity to take advantage and get on board with the Bacon Weave Snuggie and send me money.

No seriously, send me money.

Jeeze.

Maybe In an Ailing Economy...

$145.50 tickets are not your best idea!!!!!

James, What the freak dude!!!????

What happened to the $45-$50 shows at the Usana!!!???

http://www.jamestaylor.com/store/Product.aspx?id=NT003376