Well… Hi friends.
It's that time of year again. Where we all decide who we are and who we're going to be. Am I still a blogger? Do I look like a male model yet? What am I going to do with all those dead cats in my trunk?
The New Year causes us to reflect on these things. We dig deep within ourselves and ask the tough questions about what needs to change. Every ‘goal setting’ article I have read suggests that I share with friends and family my goals for the New Year. What this does is create accountability. A fancy, tricky way of saying if I don’t hit said goals you can all openly mock me and make me feel like a failure—feel very little and insignificant. All of this seems to make sense to me, so without further ado, here are my 2012 goals for you to all hold me to:
1. 1. I have started a “Plastic Surgery Jar”. Every coin I find in the laundry, in the couches, every dollar I steal from my kids allowance, is going into the jar. Whenever I share that, the first question is ALWAYS “what are you going to have done?” If you know me, the answer should be quite obvious—my keester! I have got some junk in that trunk and just would really like to have some of it gone. The Nurse is sick of me bumping things with it all the time and stuff. It just needs to be smaller.
2. 2. Like everyone else in America, I have set a weight loss goal. To hold myself accountable I will give you my current weight: 225 lbs. And where I plan on being by summer: 110 lbs. I know it’s aggressive, but I believe I have fallen into the “trying to look like the female fashion models” trap with everyone else. We are who we are! Er… we are trying to be who They tell us we should be. Right? Damn them.
3. 3. Of course, we shouldn’t just focus on the physical. Change, REAL change, should also include bettering ourselves through talents or skills. So, I plan on using my awesome skills to procure a large sum of money by legal or illegal means in order to have my lips, nose, and eyes done. I crawled over the proverbial hill this year and turned the big 34, so obviously I need the work done.
Well. There you have it folks. Let’s check-in with each other frequently and see how things are going. Good luck to all of you with your own lofty goals. You haven’t shared them with me, so you’re already kind of failing.
Lame-o.
