Maybe Princetastic...

Everyone who grew up in the 80's should hurry up and watch this before it get's pulled!

Hurry!!!



So awesome.

Maybe It's All About Accountability...

Well… Hi friends.

It's that time of year again. Where we all decide who we are and who we're going to be. Am I still a blogger? Do I look like a male model yet? What am I going to do with all those dead cats in my trunk?

The New Year causes us to reflect on these things. We dig deep within ourselves and ask the tough questions about what needs to change. Every ‘goal setting’ article I have read suggests that I share with friends and family my goals for the New Year. What this does is create accountability. A fancy, tricky way of saying if I don’t hit said goals you can all openly mock me and make me feel like a failure—feel very little and insignificant. All of this seems to make sense to me, so without further ado, here are my 2012 goals for you to all hold me to:

1. 1. I have started a “Plastic Surgery Jar”. Every coin I find in the laundry, in the couches, every dollar I steal from my kids allowance, is going into the jar. Whenever I share that, the first question is ALWAYS “what are you going to have done?” If you know me, the answer should be quite obvious—my keester! I have got some junk in that trunk and just would really like to have some of it gone. The Nurse is sick of me bumping things with it all the time and stuff. It just needs to be smaller.

2. 2. Like everyone else in America, I have set a weight loss goal. To hold myself accountable I will give you my current weight: 225 lbs. And where I plan on being by summer: 110 lbs. I know it’s aggressive, but I believe I have fallen into the “trying to look like the female fashion models” trap with everyone else. We are who we are! Er… we are trying to be who They tell us we should be. Right? Damn them.

3. 3. Of course, we shouldn’t just focus on the physical. Change, REAL change, should also include bettering ourselves through talents or skills. So, I plan on using my awesome skills to procure a large sum of money by legal or illegal means in order to have my lips, nose, and eyes done. I crawled over the proverbial hill this year and turned the big 34, so obviously I need the work done.

Well. There you have it folks. Let’s check-in with each other frequently and see how things are going. Good luck to all of you with your own lofty goals. You haven’t shared them with me, so you’re already kind of failing.

Lame-o.

Maybe Kachow!!!

Bubba wanted more than anything... ANYTHING!!! to be his great hero Lightning McQueen for Halloween. Oh my gosh did he want to. We looked at the very limited store options and finally decided we would just make a McQueen costume. It is pretty much all I have heard for two months straight as I walk in the door from work: "Dad, are we going to make my McQueen costume!?"

Well... the little kid's dream came true. Not sure what else he has to look forward in life.




Yes, we do have pictures of the kid actually in the costume, but they are on The Nurse's camera, so....

Maybe The Swansonator...

I was Ron Swanson for Halloween.

It was magical.

Magical like when I was a bear...

Maybe Caves Are the Worst!

Every time I see someone helping another in need I can’t help but remember that episode of Silver Spoons about Ricky helping that poor kid (played by Joey Lawrence) by decorating the cave he and his family lived in… LOL!!! They lived in a cave! In a friggin’ cave! And Ricky ‘helped’ them by decking their cave with Christmas. Ha ha!!!

This has been another blog post brought to you by the greatest lessons ever learned from 80’s afterschool television.

Maybe Boobs... Don't Suck...

Every time I see another bad boob job I can’t help but remember how that episode of Punky Brewster about “over the shoulder boulder holders” proves irrefutably and incontrovertibly that eating Cheetos puffs while chanting “I must, I must, I must improve my bust” in reality will not increase nor improve your bust. Actual quote: “Cherie, the size of your chest has nothing to do with who you are as a person.”

This has been another blog post brought to you by the greatest lessons ever learned from 80’s afterschool television.

Maybe Caffeine Pills Suck...

Every time I see a teenage girl popping caffeine pills in order to pass a geometry midterm I can’t help but remember how that episode of Saved by the Bell about Jessie Spano proves irrefutably and incontrovertibly that overloading on caffeine pills will make you sing “I’m so excited!” like a crazy person until your friend Zack rescues you from yourself.

This has been another blog post brought to you by the greatest lessons ever learned from 80’s afterschool television.