So, I’m certain that you have all seen the news of late—that the U.S. discovered a ring of 10 Russian spies coordinating here in the States. How awesome is that!? I mean, we grew up on Cold War U.S.A. vs Soviet spy movies and stories. I thought, quite mistakenly it seems, that after the Cold War ended and the U.S.S.R. went to crap, that all the fun spy stuff was over. I cannot appropriately express the elation I felt when I first read about the discovery of this super awesome, super secret Russian spy group! They were like exchanging large amounts of cash and stuff through spy-like exchanges (like burying the money in a field so another awesome spy could come along later and dig it up!) What the!??? Awesome! And don’t even get me going on the red head! She’s like posing as a journalist/real estate broker and has all these youtube videos and facebook and shiz! What the!?? Awesome! I ALWAYS thought I would be a spy when I grew up. In fact, (I should probably not post this publicly) I was part of a super secret spy team when I was a young boy. You would not believe the training we went through. Pretty sure I was even tortured once…? All I can say is “Green Bar Green Berets!!!”
Needless to say, the ending of the Cold War was devastating to my dream of becoming a spy. And the final dismantling of the Soviet Union simply crushed the dream completely. I didn’t want to go spy on Iran or Iraq or North Korea (heaven forbid!) I wanted to spy on good ol’ fashioned Russians! I wanted to see what those Red bastards were up to! I wanted to take awesome pictures with a sleek super mini super subtle super awesome spy cam and send those bad boys back to headquarters and hear the praises from my station chief about how good my pictures were and how they were helping our country be more awesome than Russia (which is totally true). I wanted to establish awesome contacts and awesome assets and use them to my leisure and when I had bled them for any awesome spy info or resource, toss them out with yesterday’s paper (which may or may not have contained an awesome secret spy message in the “Want-ads” section)… you’ll never know.
Anyway, as soon as I found out about these recent spies… I hit the treadmill of course! My dream is back on baby! I have to be in tip top shape if I am going to get into the resurrected spy game! (Just don’t tell The Nurse, she thinks I’m exercising cause I’m fat and just want to get back to my Brad Pitt-like physique. She doesn’t really know about the whole spy thing). So…
Future blog posts may be encrypted messages to possible contacts. Do not try to make sense of them. Silly non-spy people.
No comments:
Post a Comment