Maybe I Thought the Vangies Had This Market Cornered?!

What. The. Hell...?




Seriously though, goofy? Er....

Maybe I Need to Get Out More

Sometimes I like to pretend that my 3 year-old son is really my age and he's just really really short and doesn't talk good. And we are buddies hangin' out. So we click on the tube and watch some UFC and I laugh and tell him that I could totally kick his butt.

And he's like, "we're not even in the same weight class. So... whatev."

And I'm like, "Yeah, too bad for you they don't have a Panty Weight in the UFC!!!"

And he's all, "Oh no you di-unt!"

And we laugh like broskies at our witty banter. At some point he usually ruins it by doing something really childish- reminding me that he is my son and not a really short poorly educated 31 year -old male with a small vocabulary. No, he's a thirty pound 3 year-old who punched me in my tenders and dropped me like a sack-o-tatoes on the kitchen floor last week. I cried real tears.

You win round one pal.

What..? Did you say something? I thought you said something.

Maybe Belated R.I.P.

CNN, MSNBC, FOXNews and .TMZ (all trusted news sources) are hilariously trying to convince we the people that Michael "The Entertainer" Jackson has died. Hardy ha!

Do I really have 'Douchebag' written on my forehead? Do I really look like that much of a sponge? Come on!

What just gets me is that they (the media) act like we are all not aware that Michael Jackson died like ten years ago and we have all been collectively watching his corpse very very slowly decompose over time. I mean... they really beleive that they can get me to think that the lifeless body I have been watching in courts trials and bizarre news stories is the REAL live Michael. LOL!!! LOLing a lot!

Silly media people- go dig up a real story.

Maybe I Won't Be Late for This Date After All!

I hated hated hated! Alice in Wonderland. Yeah... count em- that's three hates. Pretty much always have. Always thought it was stupid and confusing and nauseating and mind numbing. I remember getting headaches when I tried to watch it. Bleeaahhhhh... ugh. Bleeecckkkk. Yuck. Don-a-like.

And yet- a twinge, a tingle, an itch of interest did strike me when I saw that Mr. Tim Burton was going to do a live action Alice. Hmmmmm.... I said to myself... Hemmmmmm. I do like Burton films. So.... hmmm hmmmmm. Two times.

And then today, I saw what I am guessing are some of the first images released from the project. And- hey! Yep, I'm def muy interested in this film now! So, more than anything, this blog is a personal message to Mr. Burton that I am on-board with the project. The rest of you- STOP READING MY MAIL!!!

I believe I will see this one through to completion.

These are great:




Disney has a site for the flick up and running here.

Maybe I Was the Ugly Child...?

Time.com ran this article today- Is An Ugly Baby Harder to Love? We now turn to Ryan's mom for some real insight...

Seriously though- so in love with the pic the editor landed on for the article:


I mean... ironic, right? Cause, I think the question on everyone's mind is whether or not it is Harder to Be Cher's Offspring?

I just want to go on the record that I love all my babies... I love them in order of their attractiveness.

Maybe It's Da New Style!

Yeah, it's probably time to cut him loose... send him off into the world. Let him spread his wings. All that shiz.

Maybe I Dream Big

It's a bucket list- apparently there was a movie about it, but I never saw it:

5. Skydive

4. Learn to gargle good.

3. Tell everyone that I want to run a marathon before I die... but, obviously never do it. (26 miles... take a cab! I'm just sayin'...)

2. Start a high school band, rock out like we have nothing to lose, almost get signed and then break-up due to "artistic differences" (but mostly cause the drummer gets all the girls and it TOTALLY pisses me off cause, I mean, he's the drummer man!)

1. Learn to walk in high heals.

By-the-way, this post was totally made from scratch. And things from scratch tend to be pretty darn impressive.

(And I did not write number one! Son of a... who's been touching my computer?!!! Ryan?)