Maybe Pure Genius Unrecognized....

Seriously.... for the life of me I CANNOT figure out why hamsters aren't used more frequently...



Hamsters... they're a no brainer!

Maybe You Can Help... Again...

Nanosphobia... it's a real problem in the United States these days.

Please take time and donate to the National Nanosphobics Foundation today.

Nanosphobia- it's no small matter.



(Paid for by the NNC and individual contributors. Nanosphobia is not real, and these people are freakin' out of their gourds. If you know or come upon a nanosphobic it is highly recommended that you emit a strong and offensive odor as nanosphobics are extremely sensitive to smell. If the nanosphobic persists, you will most likely have to use physical force to deter them-- but don't worry, they're scared of midgets for hells sake).

Maybe You Can Help...

Coulrophobia... it's a real problem in the United States these days.

Please take time and donate to the National Coulrophobics Foundation today.

Coulrophobia- it's no laughing matter.




(Paid for by the NFC and individual contributors. Coulrophobia is not real, and these people are freakin' out of their gourds. If you know or come upon a coulrophobic it is highly recommended that you make yourself appear as large as possible and make as much noise as you can. If the coulrophobic persists, fall into the fetal position, making sure you protect the back of your head and neck, and hope the psycho loses interest.)

Mabye Branding is Everything...

Have you ever noticed how freaking easy it is to mix up the names William Shatner and Sherwin Williams? If I had a dollar for everytime I embarrassingly said I was going to grab a can of paint over at William Shatners....

Damn you Shatner. Damn you.

Maybe I Overthink Things...

Yesterday a co-worker asked, "Can you help me real quick? I need another set of eyeballs on this." There was this strange awkward moment where I contemplated the odds that he really wanted to pull my eyeballs out of their sockets so he could use them for a minute and then he would give them back- a weird transfer of slimy and now bloody eyeballs. I panicked! Mumbled something incoherent and went and hid in the larger handicap stall in the men's bathroom for a good 45 minutes.

Turns out it's just an expression and he only wanted me to look over a quote with him.

Maybe It Will Be Done...

Someday...

Someday I plan to pull off "The Perfect Crime" much like this genius:

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=12139016&hl=3

I will plan. I will plot. I will scheme and obsess until it is perfect!!! The police investigating it will be so lost and confused and turned around... they will probably just break down into tears. Ha ha. Poor guys.

This is gonna be awesome!

Maybe The Best Week Ever... Possibly...

Well. It is finished. Another week at Blaine come and gone. As we sit back and recall the fond memories of the week, I can't help but think of all the things I learned...

- I learned that it's still too soon for mustaches. They are generally frowned upon. (Though- it's the only thing I can think of that got me out of that speeding ticket! Highway Patrol still loves a good stache!!!) As for me... I say long live Magnum P.I.

- I learned that ducks poop in the water. Sure- you might be saying, "Well that's silly." But what you might not know is that while that poop sits in the water it fosters little microbial bacteria-type thingies, and when unsuspecting fathers swim in those same shallow areas where the ducks like to do their business because his son WILL NOT swim in the deeper part (off the dock) that those little microbial dogs will embed themselves in your skin pores. The result of this little action leaves the look and feel of a mosquito bite. Incredibly itchy. Unbelievably itchy. Imagine that poor father, having so much fun with his children, with literally hundreds of those all over his flesh... Seriously, Blaine is so FREAKING fun!!!

- I learned that none of my in-laws know what kind of animal their spouses kiss like. Shame.

- I was reminded that my dog is a certified freak. He loves boats and swimming. If the boat leaves without him (even if there are still people on the dock) he virtually throws a conniption fit!!!

- I learned a LOT about nutrition. I lot!!! My nutrition I.Q. was blown through the roof.

- I learned that my brother-in-law thinks I look like Fred Flintstone. Apparently not in the complementary way that I first received it. Crap.

- I learned that speedos are totally back in style. Connor and Jesse were killin' it in those trunks!!!

- I came to the indisputable conclusion that Ernest Hemingway is a literary genius. That guy! I wish I had a sliver of that guys writing ability. Just a sliver!!!

- I learned that the Church is true wherever you are in the world... cause the Fast Sunday testimonies were just as crazy and weird in Montana as they are here.

- And finally... I learned that I shouldn't spend SO much time sun bathing, or else this happens...